It took me a long time to admit it, decades even. But I truly have loved my mom since I was a tiny kid and if that means I’m a momma’s girl, then I’ll proudly wear the moniker. I remember her loving care over all of us. Her happiness with us when we were happy. Her sympathy when we were sad or sick. I remember good times, and bad times. The times she got angry, because she was frustrated with life, and probably exhausted looking after all four of us, each 4 years apart and my younger disabled brother who was in perpetual motion. I picked up on her exhaustion and did everything I could to help her, even at a very young age. Yes, I did things to not help her too, ugh … we won’t go there!!! Anyway, over the years, she and I became better and better friends.
By the time I was in my 20’s and 30’s, she and I were more like sisters. My aunt (Dad’s sister) told us “you two are more like sisters than mother and daughter”. Mom had a young heart and loved to laugh and be silly. I loved laughter and being silly too, so we made a great pair.
We went through a lot together. And now, I look after her and her home without her. Her mind slipped away after my little brother died and she is just kind of existing now. It’s definitely not always easy, in fact it’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to endure in my life, having my best friend slip away from me like this.
But I admit, it wasn’t always a healthy relationship on either side. I’ve realized recently, that I picked up on Mom’s emotions and frustrations and tiredness and instead of submitting it to God and having a healthy, helpful relationship with her, I tried to become her rescuer. I could have done all the same things, helped the same way, but I could have done it with an attitude submitted to God, and doing my best and letting God do the rest. But in a way, I acted out of pride, the “great fixer of things”. Like Mighty Mouse, I’d fly in to save the day!!”
I think the authors of It’s Momplicated have done a great job discussing the dynamics of relationships between moms and daughters. While I am just a daughter and not a mother, I knew I could at least relate to one side of the issue when I read this book.
Two women give their accounts of their relationships with their mothers. Each woman tells her experience and what she has learned. (Technical issue: Even though they gave the name of the person who was giving her story, it was a little tedious to keep track of, it bounced around a bit and made it hard to follow. I think the book could have used better organization.) The bottom line to the whole issue of a mother daughter relationship is being centered on Christ. Doing what God requires of us, to love and to honor our parents (My note – not from the book: “Honor your father and mother” doesn’t have an expiration date on it. You honor your parents for life, whether they are alive or not). Above all, beyond everything else, is forgive, because we all fail each other. We all mess up. We all hurt each other. Forgive and move on, in wisdom is the best way to mend any relationship, even a “momplicated” one 😊
This book is good for any Christian woman who struggles with the emotional issues of motherhood, whether it’s being a mother or having a mother or both. It could also be good for a non-Christian, but I think it may be a bit hard to understand a lot of the principles, because most of them are from the Bible. Being born again, having God’s spirit living within is the main means of having the ability to overcome the hard things and forgive, even when the person hasn’t asked for it.
DISCLAIMER: I received this book as a gift. The opinions I express are provided without obligation for a positive review. I receive no compensation for the review, other than a really good read.
About the Book
Book Title: It’s Momplicated
Author: Debbie Alsdorf * Joan Edwards Kay
Release date: September 4, 2018
Let’s face it: when it comes to mothers and their daughters, things can get a little . . . complicated. Momplicated, you might say.
Whether your relationship with your mom has been wonderful or stressful, redeemed or broken, close or nonexistent, it’s one of your life’s most important and defining connections. Its effects have probably followed you into adulthood.
If you have conflicting feelings toward mom—or if you wish you could get past some of the baggage that holds you back—this is your book. Combining spiritual disciplines and the best of current therapeutic practice, It’s Momplicated will help you discover
- How your early connection with your mother may have impacted your sense of self and your other important relationships—and what you can do to break the cycle
- Why you and your mother have the relationship you have—the underlying reasons that may be contributing to strain and unease
- Tools and exercises to help you cope with some of the most common effects of a broken relationship, including anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, and trust issues
- How to be the daughter and mother God wants you to be even if your mom wasn’t who you needed her to be.
It’s never too late to love, never too late to heal, and never too late to trust God to turn the pain in your story into a redemption song. As you read It’s Momplicated, you’ll realize that while God doesn’t promise to fix all your circumstances, He does promise to uphold you and lead you to a healing place of knowing you are truly precious and loved, no matter how your past has affected you
Click here to purchase your copy.
About the Authors
Debbie Alsdorf: For the past twenty-five years, through her speaking and writing, Debbie Alsdorf’s mission has been to help women live a better story by leading them to the heart of God’s love and the truth of his Word. Debbie is a biblical lay counselor, a Christian life coach, and the founder of Design4Living Ministries. She and her husband, Ray, have raised a blended family of four adult children. Today Debbie’s favorite role is being a grandma to ten little ones.
Joan Kay Edwards: Joan Edwards Kay is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the East Bay of San Francisco and has been an adjunct professor at Western Seminary. She received her bachelor’s degree from Vassar College and her master’s degree from Western Seminary. She is happily married with two adult daughters, four stepdaughters, and five grandchildren.
Guest Post from Debbie and Joan
Mom. Mother. Mommy.
What do those words evoke in you? Wonderful memories of home cooked meals? A longing for nurture that was never fully met? A sense of not being enough? Gratitude? Sadness and loss? Anger and resentment?
Most women have a complex reaction when asked to think about their mothers–a mix of positive and negative, gratitude and hurt, happy and sad memories. Our relationships with our mothers are unique, rich, and complicated.
Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are Debbie Alsdorf and Joan Edwards Kay, friends who have written a book together that explores the issue of moms and their profound effect on daughters. It’s Momplicated: Hope and Healing for Imperfect Daughters of Imperfect Mothers releases this September 4th, 2018. Since every woman is a daughter, this book is for every women.
Every daughter receives less-than-perfect programming from her mother. The messages may be about our value, or how to relate to others, or even about how we think about bodies. However, God is our perfect parent who wants to rewrite that imperfect programming with his truth. Many of us don’t realize the wrong messages that are deep in our souls.
I (Debbie) grew up with a mother who was cold, distant and unavailable. I have one sister who was in her teens when I was born and married by the time I started school, leaving me to be raised as an only child. I grew up wondering what was wrong with me, “Why didn’t mom want to spend time with me? Why didn’t she hug me and hold me close like other moms did? Why was nothing I did to earn her approval good enough?” I was deeply imprinted with wounds of rejection and carried them through most of my adult life, even though I pasted on a smile, kept trying to do better, and could be the life of any gathering. On the inside, I was sad for as long as I can remember. Through working on this book, I have experienced a phenomenal inner healing, the exposing of lies long held secretly in my heart, and the ability to see the way the enemy of my soul has tried to use the “not enough” belief against me. I am beyond excited for other women to have the courage to own their own story, inviting Jesus to meet them in any points of pain and any relationships that need healing.
I (Joan) had a stay-at-home mom who cooked dinner every night, took us to the library and the beach, did art projects with us, and made me feel safe and happy. However, when I was nine years old, my father and then my brother both died of cancer within a year and my relationship with my mother changed. Understandably, she struggled to just hold herself together, but in my young mind I felt abandoned by her. I didn’t have the capacity to deal with all the loss and she didn’t have the strength to help me. I felt emotionally lost and alone. I longed for my mother to comfort me and show me how to overcome my pain. In retrospect, I wish she had shown me faith in a God who could bring hope and meaning to the devastation that had hit our family. But she was not a believer and did her best to stuff away the feelings and soldier on. I was deeply imprinted with the belief, I’m alone and can only depend on myself. As I worked on this project, the root of many of my struggles became clear to me and God has been comforting those young, lonely parts of me with his presence and his love.
What is your story with your mother? What false beliefs has this important relationship imprinted on your heart, and how does God’s truth rewrite them? It is our hope that every woman, as God’s daughter, will learn the beauty of who she is and receive her own healing so she can leave a legacy of faith, hope and beauty to the generation of women that follow.
One thing we know for sure: there are no perfect moms, just women partnering with a perfect God.
A Baker’s Perspective, September 8
Texas Book-aholic, September 8
Carpe Diem, September 9
Lighthouse Academy, September 10
Luv’N Lambert Life, September 10
Life Faith & Health, September 11
Real World Bible Study, September 12
Truth and Grace Homeschool Academy, September 13
Multifarious, September 14
Reading is my Superpower, September 14 (Interview)
Ashley’s Bookshelf, September 15
proud to be an autism mom, September 16
Bigreadersite, September 16
Bibliophile Reviews, September 17
All-of-a-kind Mom, September 18
For the Love of Books, September 19
Janices book reviews, September 19
Reader’s Cozy Corner, September 20
margaret kazmierczak, September 20 (Interview)
Living Life Free In Christ, September 21
Debbie’s Dusty Deliberations, September 21
To celebrate their tour, Debbie and Joan are giving away a grand prize of a “I’m Not Like a Regular Mom” T-Shirt!!
Be sure to comment on the blog stops for nine extra entries into the giveaway!
Click HERE to enter the promotional.